Plague

I've been itching to say something here but its as if anybody would be bothered. But nevertheless, I hope this would be a readable post to the majority of you readers out there (cos I might go on and say things the way that most people wouldn't understand unless they picture it properly.) I'm gonna spurt out everything that's on my mind so bear with me ok? (:

Firstly, I'm frustrated with the feeling that I'm wasting my time. Why do I feel so? I take every single event be it to me or to anyone else for that matter an experience. I believe that every second, something new is being introduced to my brain both with concious or sub-conscious state. But I'm starting to feel that I'm just lying to myself. I'm having a laugh with my mates but at the back of my mind, there's this little voice telling me that I should be doing something else. But I don't want to cause it's just the thing that kept me going.

Secondly, when I listen to the song above, it reminds me of the times where I was more.. I don't know, "alive?" with more self-awareness, confidence and determination. This is only one of the songs amongst a few others by the way. To be honest, deep inside, I feel scared, like I could tremble any time if I were help it. What am I scared about actually? I'm not quite sure myself but I'm guessing it could be time and my future. I'm afraid of not being able to achieve anything. I somehow feel empty and I can't even bring myself to think about the reason why. It's as though I'm not doing anything to keep myself up in an ideal state. But I know I am! Yes! But there is this tiny tint of anger which could cause depression which I'd say fuck to that.

Don't get me wrong though. It's not as if I'm down with depression or anything. It's more of "everybody has their own ups and downs" only that I have these thoughts/feelings from time to time. I found my aim in life, motives and intentions but have yet to get started on it. But then again, maybe I will have to think about other stuffs first before I get to the current points. Just maybe.

Then again, am I sure these are the reasons I that made me feel useless right now? What's up mate seriously??