what am i? seriously

A friend asked me what I've been doing over the hols. I gave it a thought. I was browsing through blogs and clearly sees that everyone seems to be enjoying thier lives, having activities to do, and yes, its not something like wasting thier time or anything, which is good.

And here I am, intrigued by the realisation that I dont really have a life, as in the term that we all would use on each other. Well hey define life. But that's not the question now. My hols is just similar to my schooling days. Except that Im not disturbed by deadlines. AND what exactly did I do during school? Basically SLACK, SLACK and SLACK, regardless of being in school, class, home or even neighbourhood. But jyeah thanks to my classmates cos they are the ones who made me realise my current state from time to time plus, like people always say, its the people around you that made you who you are, well something like that -.- .I bloody know how useless it is to talk and talk and do nothing. I dont even know the purpose of this post even tho I did things without any purpose most of the time.

And everything is going nowhere! I dont even know what will I do when school reopens. Im lost here to be honest. Its like, I could just restart my life without even caring about what has happen. Example? I've got the feeling that I could just change course, drop my band and soccer team, get into other activities, change friends, etc. Everything seems so volatile. Im on the loosing edge. I know all of this can happen because why? Nobody cares more about you than your own bloody self. Because life goes on. Because people change. Because only you have the power to change who you are. What? You think your friends would save your butt? Maybe tell them to think twice and perhaps they might just leave you alone. I wouldnt throw in too much trust myself but i do believe in giving chances. Chances for voices, chances for thoughts to be heard, chances to take in everything.

Afterall, we are humans, never fail to make mistakes. Its just the matter of how hard headed we are before we really repent. One minute you feel remorse, another minute you might be thinking of sinful pleasures. There will never be "who's the last person who commit something wrong in the last one second" right?

I want somethng for a change. I want a change. I need a change. For the better. For my interest. For everybody's interest. I gotta stop wasting time for goodness sake.

dear sahlan,

START DOING SOMETHING YOU WANK!
yours truly,
sahlan


and ps, i still do feel "owned" to everthing tho. i think im in the contradicting state right now. tsk