no where's end

at times, i wished that our brain can act like a computer, delete whatever that is needed to be forgotten, and organise what we need until the day that we die. thing is, its hard to forget, be it good or bad memories. but somehow rather, somehow i could remember my sins more than my good deeds.

but what's the use of deleting if others remembered it right? as if erasing our own memory will erase other's as well. that doesn't make any sense. well that is the part where i feel like running away from where i am and not be in contact with anybody. ignore my social life totally, and act like nothing happened.

but i know that not everyone can run forever. even if you run, it will be no where's end. and so that's when i will keep reminding myself to change for the better, in terms of beliefs, attitude and mindset. and being that, i've got no choice but to live with people who have seen my mistakes, embarrassments, sins and shame.

i don't care if people did not see the good in me. that's because good deeds are meant to be sincere, not shown. as long as i've got the heart to spend my days meaningfully. since quite a number thinks that im a decent boy, i'ld like to say that im NOT totally a nice guy. believe me.

heh.