The first thing I want didn't come.

It is not only about being broken hearted.
It is about getting back to where you started.
It is not only about forgetting the things that drives you forward.
But also your thoughts and what you did when you are interested.

As of now, I shall look for as many distractions as possible until I get back to my proper self again. It was worth the try but fuck I hate the outcome of it. Fuck I hate this feeling.

insecure

in a mixed state of mind from day to day,
as time passes from day to day,
i have been in a mixed state of mind.

Empty

He sat in silence, still trying to reconnect to the universe.
Reconnect to the reasons as to why he kept moving astray.
Being somewhere else where he shouldn't be.
Constructing something else which he shouldn't be.
Empty, with no directions, with no heart.

secrets

source of inspiration, building on its own
supported by determination and its target's met
source of suspicions, from others wants
struck hard down rocky roads it went.

~


but my heart wants to say yes or should i really not?
keeping it, relatively throwing it.

~

nothing we can do

WAKE UP
RETRY
GO HOME
THEN SLEEP

continuous much

no point in it

imagine a world so egoistic, so lifeless it seems that everyone's a living robot,
a world ruled by the wrong laws followed by the wrong people,
invading our futile minds which has always wanted to be a step ahead,
but still amongst some of them are the good people, people who followed their heart,
to them what is right and what is wrong.

so aim your thoughts right

like any other

search

stare

turn

the shortest mesmerising moment ever

reopen

school's opening tomorow. oh well since its 3.25am now, sch's starting at 1pm for me later on. its funny and at the same time irritably wierd that when im free, i'ld be damn very free. and when im busy, terribly busy. i mean, i had never been in between. im having troubled thoughts right now so sorry if the way i act or would act in the future might be rather dissappointing. well im not gonna post anny of it here anyway. my lappy itself is avoiding school. during the holidays, it has NEVER gave any problem. not until recently. and upcoming side projects. okay its never meant for people to know. again, im not gonna give a single clue about it. for "safety reasons". learned that the singapore's government is playing a very big serious game. and it makes me feel sucky to live a life lead by those people. yeap politics, we're ignorant about it, since we're busy enjoying life. i wanna make an artwork in which includes a powerful statement, something literal and artsy. raya had been fun overall. but i missed out on most relative's houses i think. the usual usuals. heh.

some crap i wrote and also parts of my thoughts

i laid down on the playgound floor
i gazed into the distance, a cloudless sky
my filthy body on the dirty floor
i stared long and longing for somemore
as my body began to spin the sky began to leak
in such motion that we cant wait to see
the cresent ends, they start to get a curl
it grows like a massive flowery world
my empty head it is it feels
thought through to move my weakened limbs
im closing my eyes to figure if it's real
hallucinating im not, only fantatising
and now i feel my body floating

and every corner that i turn
awaits something that might be my fear
just like what future hold despite we're troubled
its much scary than what you would turn and denial
is something that you might be overtime
the thruth the lies you cant confide

and all the lies
the thoughts
the problems
the fantasies
the dreams
your unconciousness

left out in the world of thier own
indecision as always defeats
i struggled but still
i couldnt find what's the problem
im left alonei think thats what i wanted
and feel capturedby emotions and needs
what i see is what i learned
and surmise what i feel
i've done almost everything
that i had always wanted
im easily bore and tired
achievement is just a small feeling
i want somethingbut i dont feel the need
at the same time im blank
of what i should actually be doing